Thursday | September 18, 2014
Obama To Deploy Ebola Patients To Syria
In response to strong criticism of the plan, Joe Biden said "librarians wouldn't be in this position" if they were more careful about their choice of lifestyle.
Obama Deploys Drones, Beavers To Protect Iraqi Dam
If this works out, Obama said he'll utilize arctic foxes due to their untapped potential.
Israel, Hamas Agree On Ceasefire For Potty Break
However, the two can't come to terms on whether the toilet paper should roll over or under.
Obama To Send Kanye West To Iraq To Sort Things Out
Kanye's appointment has already earned him the label of "the Jane Fonda of our generation."
world BRIEFS
Al Gore, Pope Spar Over Origins Of The Internet
Historians say this is not unlike when Pope Innocent III banned the abacus back in 1200 AD.
Thailand PM Promises To Disrobe If Protesters Desist
Yingluck Shinawatra said she's already working on her "One Night In Bangkok" 2014 calendar.
Obama: Bombing Syria "Good Geography Lesson"
He called it an invaluable opportunity to teach kids about another global pain in the ass.
Pope Benedict Upset At Saint Snub, Vows Hellfire
He also promised to "lob a curse or two" at the Vatican to "see how they like them apples."
Vatican Workers Threaten To Strike, Turn Protestant
If workers strike, they could be punished with daily confession and saying 472 Hail Marys.
Obama PUNK'D Initiative To Both Kick Ass, Take Names
The plan treats Kim Jong Un like that annoying kid at the park who won't leave you alone.


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