Thursday | November 27, 2014
North Korea Fires A Couple Missiles For Attention
After his Wii console broke, sources say Kim Jong-un was desperate to find a new hobby, but since he isn't very good at anything, he opted for his old standby.
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Obama To Launch Air Strikes Against Osiris, Anubis
The plan is part of Obama's "I'll Try Anything Once" approach to international diplomacy.
Obama To Deploy Ebola Patients To Syria
In response to critics, Joe Biden said it's America's way of helping all those librarians.
Obama Deploys Drones, Beavers To Protect Iraqi Dam
If this works out, Obama said he'll utilize arctic foxes due to their untapped potential.
world BRIEFS
Israel, Hamas Agree On Ceasefire For Potty Break
However, the two can't come to terms on whether the toilet paper should roll over or under.
Fatah, Hamas To Collaborate On Rap Album
The breakout rap album features the lyrical styling of Mahmoudy Moud and the Fatah Bunch.
Obama To Send Kanye West To Iraq To Sort Things Out
Kanye's appointment has already earned him the label of "the Jane Fonda of our generation."
Al Gore, Pope Spar Over Origins Of The Internet
Historians say this is not unlike when Pope Innocent III banned the abacus back in 1200 AD.
Thailand PM Promises To Disrobe If Protesters Desist
Yingluck Shinawatra said she's already working on her "One Night In Bangkok" 2014 calendar.
Obama: Bombing Syria "Good Geography Lesson"
He called it an invaluable opportunity to teach kids about another global pain in the ass.
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Pope Francis gives America nine months to "clean up your gays" ahead of his visit next fall «» Obama apologizes for the miscommunication, says Chuck Hagel is "getting down" to a funky beat, not "stepping down" and vacating his seat «» Nation's blacks unsure who to turn to for sage advice on Ferguson situation now that Bill Cosby is just a sexual predator «» More Americans feeling compelled to visit relatives over Thanksgiving break due to falling gas prices, wish gas stayed above $3 per gallon just until the holidays were over «» CBS airs pilot of new mini-series "Little Immigrant On The Prairie" instead of Obama speech, wins ratings for night «» NBC airs video of two dogs humping instead of Obama speech, asks viewers to pick which one represents legal American citizens «» ABC airs rerun of old Reagan speech instead of Obama address, panics nation into thinking Russia is going to bomb the U.S. «» Alternative taxi service Uber comes under fire for not disinfecting back seats after a different kind of "ride sharing" «» Conair ships 20,000 hairdryers to Buffalo so residents can begin melting their way out while still maintaining fabulous hair «» CBS cancels new Bill Cosby show, "Women Make The Darnedest Allegations" «»
Pope Francis gives America nine months to "clean up your gays" ahead of his visit next fall «» Obama apologizes for the miscommunication, says Chuck Hagel is "getting down" to a funky beat, not "stepping down" and vacating his seat «» Nation's blacks unsure who to turn to for sage advice on Ferguson situation now that Bill Cosby is just a sexual predator «» More Americans feeling compelled to visit relatives over Thanksgiving break due to falling gas prices, wish gas stayed above $3 per gallon just until the holidays were over «» CBS airs pilot of new mini-series "Little Immigrant On The Prairie" instead of Obama speech, wins ratings for night «» NBC airs video of two dogs humping instead of Obama speech, asks viewers to pick which one represents legal American citizens «» ABC airs rerun of old Reagan speech instead of Obama address, panics nation into thinking Russia is going to bomb the U.S. «» Alternative taxi service Uber comes under fire for not disinfecting back seats after a different kind of "ride sharing" «» Conair ships 20,000 hairdryers to Buffalo so residents can begin melting their way out while still maintaining fabulous hair «» CBS cancels new Bill Cosby show, "Women Make The Darnedest Allegations" «»