Sunday | March 29, 2015
Massachusetts Issues Lizza D Warning
The warning caught many residents off guard who felt they had already survived the worst with storms that had dumped upwards of 17 feet of snow in some areas.
TOP u.s. STORIES
NY Mayor de Blasio Enlists Tom Selleck To Quell Turmoil
Chief William Bratton said he doesn't feel slighted because he's happy to have a scapegoat.
Nude Calendar Of Ugly People Sells Like Hotcakes
For a behind the scenes look at all that jiggling flesh and wrinkled booty, order yours now!
National Weather Service Replaces 'Polar Vortex' With 'Arctic Horcrux'
With computers doing most of the forecasting, meteorologists need cool names to keep it fun.
u.s. BRIEFS
Wesleyan University Mandates Coed Restrooms By 2017
Facilities will also install dual toilet paper holders in every stall for both over/under.
Cities Unsure How To Handle Public Service Graffiti
Officials are surprised today's youth can stop texting long enough to spray paint anything.
IRS "Didn't Know" Agent Retired In 2003
Some think they vaguely recall a party from back then but can't remember what it was for.
Texas To Execute 15 For Charity
Gov. Perry denies that he intends to televise the event as part of a new Fox reality show.
ACLU Pushes To Rename Hashtags As 'Pound Signs'
The support group Ampersands Anonymous has endorsed the move to minimize errant labeling.
Supreme Court To Vote On Civil Rights For Wiggers
The history of the wigger civil rights movement dates back to the mid-'80s and Vanilla Ice.
u.s. TRENDING
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Miss America Stripped Of Crown After Midget Allegations
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A letter sent to the White House has tested positive for proper grammar and punctuation, leading to speculation that it must have come from overseas «» New York latest state to ban sneezing while driving, calling it the third most distracting event for drivers behind texting and masturbation «» Justice Department issues subpoena for all computer files related to Hillary Clinton's 2012 online journal, "My Benghazi Blog" «» President Obama urging Americans to take part in the Homeland Security magazine drive to help fund the country's anti-terrorism efforts after the department's budget runs out this Friday «» President Obama concludes trip through Midwest to explain salient points from State Of The Union for that part of the country that only reads at a third grade level «» American comedians announce indefinite hiatus on "smelly Frenchman" jokes to give nation time to heal, will heckle Portuguese instead «» NSA offers voucher to Israel for free course on spying and other illicit surveillance to help them not get caught next time «» NFL announces plans not to broadcast half a dozen Oakland Raiders games next season, offers cash prizes for anyone who notices which ones «» Starbucks nixes plans to raise awareness of racial inequality by allowing patrons to only purchase drinks that match the color of their skin «» Audubon Society reports birds returning to Massachusetts for spring are "confused as shit" and not sure where to go until it warms up «»
A letter sent to the White House has tested positive for proper grammar and punctuation, leading to speculation that it must have come from overseas «» New York latest state to ban sneezing while driving, calling it the third most distracting event for drivers behind texting and masturbation «» Justice Department issues subpoena for all computer files related to Hillary Clinton's 2012 online journal, "My Benghazi Blog" «» President Obama urging Americans to take part in the Homeland Security magazine drive to help fund the country's anti-terrorism efforts after the department's budget runs out this Friday «» President Obama concludes trip through Midwest to explain salient points from State Of The Union for that part of the country that only reads at a third grade level «» American comedians announce indefinite hiatus on "smelly Frenchman" jokes to give nation time to heal, will heckle Portuguese instead «» NSA offers voucher to Israel for free course on spying and other illicit surveillance to help them not get caught next time «» NFL announces plans not to broadcast half a dozen Oakland Raiders games next season, offers cash prizes for anyone who notices which ones «» Starbucks nixes plans to raise awareness of racial inequality by allowing patrons to only purchase drinks that match the color of their skin «» Audubon Society reports birds returning to Massachusetts for spring are "confused as shit" and not sure where to go until it warms up «»