Sunday | November 23, 2014
Scientists Successfully Land Probe In Kim Kardashian's Cleavage
This marks the first successful landing in between two celestial bodies, at least for the purposes of scientific exploration as far as the grant money is concerned.
TOP tech STORIES
Schools Replace Standardized Tests With New IQ App
This finally puts America ahead of Asia for our ability to reduce a child to just a number.
Apple: 'Crappy Child Labor' To Blame For iPhone Woes
Apple alleges the kids are more interested in playing with the iPhones than building them.
USPS Secures Contract To Deliver Email
The deal covers all major email clients except Lotus Notes, which everyone agrees is junk.
tech BRIEFS
Scientists Unearth Largest Upagus Ever To Roam Land
Scholars have launched a "Follow That Upagus!" campaign to help increase public awareness.
Jay Carney Wants To Connect On LinkedIn
Soon everyone in America will play a bit part in the new game, "Six Degrees Of Jay Carney."
Apple Reveals iPhone With 15.6" Viewable Screen
The biggest challenge may be snapping on a case, which takes three people with a crowbar.
New Report Says Report Needed About Seatbelt Use
Pundits say the new report indicates the government is serious about reporting on safety.
Nokia Introduces New Lumia S7 Smart Pinky Ring
The device comes complete with its own small wooden stylus which can double as a toothpick.
Internet Meme 'Cray Cray' To Add Third Cray
An online ad campaign features Buckwheat holding up his finger and thumb, saying "O-Cray!"
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Alternative taxi service Uber comes under fire for not disinfecting back seats after a different kind of "ride sharing" «» CBS airs pilot of new mini-series "Little Immigrant On The Prairie" instead of Obama speech, wins ratings for night «» NBC airs video of two dogs humping instead of Obama speech, asks viewers to pick which one represents legal American citizens «» ABC airs rerun of old Reagan speech instead of Obama address, panics nation into thinking Russia is going to bomb the U.S. «» Conair ships 20,000 hairdryers to Buffalo so residents can begin melting their way out while still maintaining fabulous hair «» Pope Francis gives America nine months to "clean up your gays" ahead of his visit next fall «» CBS cancels new Bill Cosby show, "Women Make The Darnedest Allegations" «» Detroit celebrates exiting bankruptcy with subprime mortgages for the first 10,000 unqualified homebuyers who can falsify a loan application in under 60 seconds «» Quarterback Peyton Manning asks to join Detroit Lions "just for this week" so he can try one more time to beat the Patriots «» A survey of children under the age of six finds that most never thought they'd see the day when gas prices dropped below $3 per gallon «»
Alternative taxi service Uber comes under fire for not disinfecting back seats after a different kind of "ride sharing" «» CBS airs pilot of new mini-series "Little Immigrant On The Prairie" instead of Obama speech, wins ratings for night «» NBC airs video of two dogs humping instead of Obama speech, asks viewers to pick which one represents legal American citizens «» ABC airs rerun of old Reagan speech instead of Obama address, panics nation into thinking Russia is going to bomb the U.S. «» Conair ships 20,000 hairdryers to Buffalo so residents can begin melting their way out while still maintaining fabulous hair «» Pope Francis gives America nine months to "clean up your gays" ahead of his visit next fall «» CBS cancels new Bill Cosby show, "Women Make The Darnedest Allegations" «» Detroit celebrates exiting bankruptcy with subprime mortgages for the first 10,000 unqualified homebuyers who can falsify a loan application in under 60 seconds «» Quarterback Peyton Manning asks to join Detroit Lions "just for this week" so he can try one more time to beat the Patriots «» A survey of children under the age of six finds that most never thought they'd see the day when gas prices dropped below $3 per gallon «»