Wednesday | April 16, 2014
Justin Bieber Saves Little Kitten Stuck In Tree
Reports are unconfirmed that the singer actually put the cat in the tree himself so he could later save it in an attempt to redeem himself from all his bad press.
[MORE]
Britney Spears Concedes White Trash Title To MileyBritney Spears Concedes White Trash Title To Miley

Although she hasn't shaved her head yet, Miley's hair does continue to become more butch.

Paula Deen Makes Amends With New Fried Chix DishPaula Deen Makes Amends With New Fried Chix Dish

Deen says she may even provide a living wage to the black migrant workers who till her farm.

Even Pedophiles Turned Off By Miley Cyrus NowEven Pedophiles Turned Off By Miley Cyrus Now

Mitchell Musso said he's no pedophile but wishes he "had nailed that" before she got skanky.

Newsmakers
Lindsay Lohan To Have Rehab Wing Named For Her
@LindsayLohan

Lindsay Lohan To Have Rehab Wing Named For Her

Twentieth Annual \'Screechfest\' Draws Dozens
@DustinDiamond

Twentieth Annual 'Screechfest' Draws Dozens

Fox Takes Gamble On \'Downton Abba\' Spinoff
@PeterRice

Fox Takes Gamble On 'Downton Abba' Spinoff

Hot Topics
Philip Seymour Hoffman To Play Building In Next Film
#WillItBeADoubleWide?

Philip Seymour Hoffman To Play Building In Next Film

Kiss Celebrates 40 Years Of Noone Knowing They\'re Gay
#NotGayJustReallyHappy

Kiss Celebrates 40 Years Of Noone Knowing They're Gay

One Direction 2018 Tour Completely Sold Out
#WillTheyBe21Yet?

One Direction 2018 Tour Completely Sold Out

Newsreel
Kim Kardashian's Eggs Sign Contract For Reality Show

Should one of them become fertilized, sources say it will be one of the richest rudimentary clusters of cells in TV history thanks to the ovarian follicle deal.

Study: Nickelodeon Writers High 22 Hours Per Day

The substances used by the writers to sustain their almost perpetual state of intoxication vary from show to show, with iCarly writers the most drugged of all.

Actor Reginald VelJohnson Still Wearing Cop Uniform

Family and friends tell CAP News the '80s television star can be seen roaming the streets of his neighborhood dressed in his blues, making sure crime stays away.

Newest HBO Series To Feature Swearing, Breasts

HBO executives say the show will "break new ground" in the realm of swearing and showing women's breasts, employing only actresses who never wear shirts at all.

Archives
Rebecca Black Maps Out
Partners

Giant Space Asteroids II - The Revenge!

Like most columnists, I started in this business for one reason and one reason only: to win the Nobel Prize for Column Writing.

Tons of Tips and Tricks to help you advertise online. From lists of free traffic resources to advice on keyword placement and linkbuilding.
www.theleakywiki.com
Interested in becoming a CAP News partner? Contact us now!

showbiz

BRIEFS
Fake Advertisement


Advertise Here

    ALL MATERIAL IS

    SATIRE

    AND ©2005-2014 BY CRYSTAL AIR PRODUCTIONS
    NBC confirms that Today co-host Matt Lauer will not be hosting the Olympic Opening Ceremonies in Sochi and instead will hand the reins to LL Cool J. "LL killed it at the Grammys and Matt's just gone stale," said one network executive. "Dude's like a black Ryan Seacrest, except funny." «» Chinese TV officials are reportedly thrilled to bring "hot lesbian action" to their people when that country begins airing The Ellen DeGeneres Show. "America love lesbians, so China need to see what fuss is all about," said a spokesperson. "If this work, next maybe we try show with black person." «» Fresh off her rousing rendition of Make New Friends at the Golden Globes, actress Diane Keaton has announced she will be recording a collection of creepy children's favorites. Entitled Lullabyes For Serial Killers, the album features Keaton putting original Brothers Grimm fairy tales to song after getting herself liquored up. «» Justin Bieber has clarified the confusion surrounding his supposed retirement tweet, saying that he meant he was retiring for the night, not from music. "I had just learned this new vocabulary word, yo, and wanted to use it," he said. "Retire also means go to bed - how wack is that?" «» Jewish activists are outraged over anti-gay remarks made by Duck Dynasty patriarch Phil Robertson, saying they feel slighted at being left out of his diatribe. "Oy, look at all the sympathy gays are getting because of this," said one Jewish leader. "We Jews could use a little of that!" «» Electronic music star Moby is soliciting fans to create songs for his new album so he can produce an album made entirely of songs created by his fans. "It'll be the easiest album I ever make," he said. "I may even let them each download a couple tracks for free." «» Eclectic singer Lady Gaga has admitted to CAP News that while the applause is indeed a fantastic motivator, she also lives for the paycheck. "Clapping alone does not millions of dollars make," Gaga said. "Little monsters emptying daddy's wallet to come see me prance around in outrageously expensive outfits does." «» Legendary rocker John Oates has been elected into the Freeloaders Hall Of Fame for "a decade of service riding Darryl Hall's coattails to six #1 songs" and nine more Top 10 hits. Oates joins the likes of Andrew Ridgely, Jim Messina and Art Garfunkel in being elected unanimously by judges. «» Esquire magazine has named actress Scarlett Johansson their Sexiest Photoshopped Woman for 2013, beating 2012 winner Mila Kunis. "We airbrushed a whole bunch of women and Scarlett came out the best," said editor David Granger. "You should have seen what I did with my Aunt Mildred - so long, liver spots!" «» Seventeen people were arrested yesterday during the premiere of the new Grand Theft Auto reality show, GTA: 25 To Life. While the winner is the last one to avoid being arrested, producers say with only eight contestants left after the first episode, the series may not run a full season. «»
    NBC confirms that Today co-host Matt Lauer will not be hosting the Olympic Opening Ceremonies in Sochi and instead will hand the reins to LL Cool J. "LL killed it at the Grammys and Matt's just gone stale," said one network executive. "Dude's like a black Ryan Seacrest, except funny." «» Chinese TV officials are reportedly thrilled to bring "hot lesbian action" to their people when that country begins airing The Ellen DeGeneres Show. "America love lesbians, so China need to see what fuss is all about," said a spokesperson. "If this work, next maybe we try show with black person." «» Fresh off her rousing rendition of Make New Friends at the Golden Globes, actress Diane Keaton has announced she will be recording a collection of creepy children's favorites. Entitled Lullabyes For Serial Killers, the album features Keaton putting original Brothers Grimm fairy tales to song after getting herself liquored up. «» Justin Bieber has clarified the confusion surrounding his supposed retirement tweet, saying that he meant he was retiring for the night, not from music. "I had just learned this new vocabulary word, yo, and wanted to use it," he said. "Retire also means go to bed - how wack is that?" «» Jewish activists are outraged over anti-gay remarks made by Duck Dynasty patriarch Phil Robertson, saying they feel slighted at being left out of his diatribe. "Oy, look at all the sympathy gays are getting because of this," said one Jewish leader. "We Jews could use a little of that!" «» Electronic music star Moby is soliciting fans to create songs for his new album so he can produce an album made entirely of songs created by his fans. "It'll be the easiest album I ever make," he said. "I may even let them each download a couple tracks for free." «» Eclectic singer Lady Gaga has admitted to CAP News that while the applause is indeed a fantastic motivator, she also lives for the paycheck. "Clapping alone does not millions of dollars make," Gaga said. "Little monsters emptying daddy's wallet to come see me prance around in outrageously expensive outfits does." «» Legendary rocker John Oates has been elected into the Freeloaders Hall Of Fame for "a decade of service riding Darryl Hall's coattails to six #1 songs" and nine more Top 10 hits. Oates joins the likes of Andrew Ridgely, Jim Messina and Art Garfunkel in being elected unanimously by judges. «» Esquire magazine has named actress Scarlett Johansson their Sexiest Photoshopped Woman for 2013, beating 2012 winner Mila Kunis. "We airbrushed a whole bunch of women and Scarlett came out the best," said editor David Granger. "You should have seen what I did with my Aunt Mildred - so long, liver spots!" «» Seventeen people were arrested yesterday during the premiere of the new Grand Theft Auto reality show, GTA: 25 To Life. While the winner is the last one to avoid being arrested, producers say with only eight contestants left after the first episode, the series may not run a full season. «»