Sunday | April 26, 2015
Senate Passes Keystone Lager Pipeline Bill
Speculation is that even if the House passes the bill, President Obama will veto the legislation because he prefers Guinness and fears beer quality will suffer.
TOP politics STORIES
Dems Propose Using Jobless To Carry Oil From Canada To Texas
If they run out of the unemployed, they plan to fill in the gaps with illegal immigrants.
Mass. Rights The Ship By Electing Blonde White Guy As Governor
It was a throw-back election, harkening back to when minorities had no place in politics.
Senate Passes Bill Mandating Hand Washing
The bill falls shy of dictating just how long people should wash, but does suggest 20 seconds.
politics BRIEFS
Joe Biden Pushes For More School Funding For 'Retards'
Critics attacked his choice of vocabulary, noting that retards are now called sped kids.
Rick Perry Indicted For Abuse Of Social Media
Perry said he can still count all of his indictments on one hand so he's not too worried.
Palin, Brown Announce 2015 Presidential Bid
The two are trying to gain ground in a GOP party that has dumped them like unwanted dogs.
Biden Swaps More Prisoners For Fifth Of Scotch, Some Smokes
Officials say Biden was tough in the negotiations, steadfastly refusing to pay import taxes.
Christie Used Hurricane Funds To Host Furry Parties
Christie denies the allegations, saying he actually spent the money on hookers and booze.
Senate Takes Up Legislation Affirming What A Fox Says
Once this dilemma is resolved, lawmakers hope to identify the sound of one hand clapping.
politics TRENDING
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Hillary Clinton says if elected president, she will provide everyone free email accounts on her private server, complete with 2GB of storage «» Ted Cruz says he wants to become president so his dog can pee on the White House lawn «» Congress passes record 17 bills in one day as House and Senate enjoy a couple ounces of legalized pot before voting «» Rudy Giuliani says President Obama does not love parades; White House calls the accusation "ludicrous" #ObamaLovesAParade «» After avoiding jail for sharing state secrets with his mistress biographer, David Petraeus said if he had to do it all over again, he would because "the sex was really, really good" «» New York City vows to reduce its output of white trash by 90% over next 10 years, promises better class of resident "to make country proud" «» New study finds that adults who breastfeed are 58% more likely to be ostracized by their peers and ridiculed for having a milk mustache «» A new poll finds 73% of those who would buy a consumer drone plan to use it to fire BB's at neighborhood dogs who come into their yard to poop «» Massachusetts court upholds conversion therapy law that allows Red Sox fans to seek professional help for spouses who are Yankees fans «» Organizers of the 150th Anniversary Lincoln Assassination Reenactment say in hindsight, it may not have been a good idea to have Nicki Minaj perform "Bang Bang" «»
Hillary Clinton says if elected president, she will provide everyone free email accounts on her private server, complete with 2GB of storage «» Ted Cruz says he wants to become president so his dog can pee on the White House lawn «» Congress passes record 17 bills in one day as House and Senate enjoy a couple ounces of legalized pot before voting «» Rudy Giuliani says President Obama does not love parades; White House calls the accusation "ludicrous" #ObamaLovesAParade «» After avoiding jail for sharing state secrets with his mistress biographer, David Petraeus said if he had to do it all over again, he would because "the sex was really, really good" «» New York City vows to reduce its output of white trash by 90% over next 10 years, promises better class of resident "to make country proud" «» New study finds that adults who breastfeed are 58% more likely to be ostracized by their peers and ridiculed for having a milk mustache «» A new poll finds 73% of those who would buy a consumer drone plan to use it to fire BB's at neighborhood dogs who come into their yard to poop «» Massachusetts court upholds conversion therapy law that allows Red Sox fans to seek professional help for spouses who are Yankees fans «» Organizers of the 150th Anniversary Lincoln Assassination Reenactment say in hindsight, it may not have been a good idea to have Nicki Minaj perform "Bang Bang" «»