Monday | August 31, 2015
Senate Passes Keystone Lager Pipeline Bill
Speculation is that even if the House passes the bill, President Obama will veto the legislation because he prefers Guinness and fears beer quality will suffer.
TOP politics STORIES
Dems Propose Using Jobless To Carry Oil From Canada To Texas
If they run out of the unemployed, they plan to fill in the gaps with illegal immigrants.
Mass. Rights The Ship By Electing Blonde White Guy As Governor
It was a throw-back election, harkening back to when minorities had no place in politics.
Senate Passes Bill Mandating Hand Washing
The bill falls shy of dictating just how long people should wash, but does suggest 20 seconds.
politics BRIEFS
Joe Biden Pushes For More School Funding For 'Retards'
Critics attacked his choice of vocabulary, noting that retards are now called sped kids.
Rick Perry Indicted For Abuse Of Social Media
Perry said he can still count all of his indictments on one hand so he's not too worried.
Palin, Brown Announce 2015 Presidential Bid
The two are trying to gain ground in a GOP party that has dumped them like unwanted dogs.
Biden Swaps More Prisoners For Fifth Of Scotch, Some Smokes
Officials say Biden was tough in the negotiations, steadfastly refusing to pay import taxes.
Christie Used Hurricane Funds To Host Furry Parties
Christie denies the allegations, saying he actually spent the money on hookers and booze.
Senate Takes Up Legislation Affirming What A Fox Says
Once this dilemma is resolved, lawmakers hope to identify the sound of one hand clapping.
politics TRENDING
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Donald Trump is slamming White House plans to curb opioid addiction, saying it unfairly targets him and his supporters «» Society For Gay Racists up in arms over typo that has South Carolina calling for removal of the state's confederate fag «» Rick Perry to announce his 2016 presidential bid during opening statements of his public corruption trial «» Hillary Clinton accuses Rand Paul of crank calling her at 3am but the NSA has no phone records with which to prove it «» Restaurant Mascots Association reports Jared Fogle no longer invited to summer outing, announces Grimace will bring the potato salad instead «» State Department investigation finds Hillary Clinton did email secret family recipes from her server, but either withheld or encrypted key ingredients «» Restaurant Mascots Association reports Jared Fogle no longer invited to summer outing, announces Grimace will bring the potato salad instead «» State Department investigation finds Hillary Clinton did email secret family recipes from her server, but either withheld or encrypted key ingredients «» New survey finds most parents of young adult terrorists long for the days when kids were more apathetic and just played video games «» General Mills announces plans to discontinue its new cereal Diabeteos, acknowledges that the sugar content may be "a little high" «»
Donald Trump is slamming White House plans to curb opioid addiction, saying it unfairly targets him and his supporters «» Society For Gay Racists up in arms over typo that has South Carolina calling for removal of the state's confederate fag «» Rick Perry to announce his 2016 presidential bid during opening statements of his public corruption trial «» Hillary Clinton accuses Rand Paul of crank calling her at 3am but the NSA has no phone records with which to prove it «» Restaurant Mascots Association reports Jared Fogle no longer invited to summer outing, announces Grimace will bring the potato salad instead «» State Department investigation finds Hillary Clinton did email secret family recipes from her server, but either withheld or encrypted key ingredients «» Restaurant Mascots Association reports Jared Fogle no longer invited to summer outing, announces Grimace will bring the potato salad instead «» State Department investigation finds Hillary Clinton did email secret family recipes from her server, but either withheld or encrypted key ingredients «» New survey finds most parents of young adult terrorists long for the days when kids were more apathetic and just played video games «» General Mills announces plans to discontinue its new cereal Diabeteos, acknowledges that the sugar content may be "a little high" «»