Dems Propose Using Jobless To Carry Oil From Canada To Texas
If there aren't enough unemployed Americans, supporters say they can fill in the gaps with the 5 million illegals the president plans to let stay in the country.
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Mass. Rights The Ship By Electing Blonde White Guy As Governor
It was a throw-back election, harkening back to when minorities had no place in politics.
Senate Passes Bill Mandating Hand Washing
The bill falls shy of dictating just how long people should wash, but does suggest 20 seconds.
Joe Biden Pushes For More School Funding For 'Retards'
Critics attacked his choice of vocabulary, noting that retards are now called sped kids.
Rick Perry Indicted For Abuse Of Social Media
Perry said he can still count all of his indictments on one hand so he's not too worried.
Palin, Brown Announce 2015 Presidential Bid
The two are trying to gain ground in a GOP party that has dumped them like unwanted dogs.
Biden Swaps More Prisoners For Fifth Of Scotch, Some Smokes
Officials say Biden was tough in the negotiations, steadfastly refusing to pay import taxes.
Christie Used Hurricane Funds To Host Furry Parties
Christie denies the allegations, saying he actually spent the money on hookers and booze.
Senate Takes Up Legislation Affirming What A Fox Says
Once this dilemma is resolved, lawmakers hope to identify the sound of one hand clapping.
Obama Okays Landscapers To Clean Up His Dogs' Crap
Sentiments run strong over the proper way to scoop the poop without damaging the West Lawn.
Gov. Chris Christie Bans 'Weight Reduction Therapy'
Obama Plan Increases Brain Usage Among Teenagers
Obama Pushes For "Taco Tuesdays" During Day Trips