Scientists Hatch New Breed Of Neon Yellow Lice
Researchers hope that by introducing neat new colors to the parasite that they'll remove the stigma attached to having lice and turn pariahs into cool, hip kids.
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Congressional Report Notes Old People Continue Dying
The report cites irreversible effects of the aging process as a main contributing factor.
Judge Says NSA Cholesterol Surveillance Legal
Many believe this can root out terrorists because of their tendency for poor eating habits.
Just Wearing Gym Clothes Not The Same As Exercising
A new study found that dressing for a workout provides the same benefit as talking about it.
Gluten Supporters To Rally For More Gluten
Chef The Gluten Gourmet is donating proceeds from his annual gluten telethon to the cause.
Calorie Guides Create Race Of Guilt-Ridden Fat People
Many obese use online calorie guides because unlike books, the pages don't stick together.
Men's Shorter Lifespan Attributed To Just Giving Up
While a man cave can buy men a little extra time, trying to outlive women is a lost cause.
Judge Lifts Limits On 'Morning After' Lollipop
The lollipop marks a new trend in designer contraception toward more fashionable abortions.
Traditional Southern Diet, Fat Asses May Be Linked
Researchers say the proof is in the pudding - or, was, until respondents ate the pudding.
Toilet Sizes Expand To Meet Needs Of Obese Nation
The ACLU applauds the new approach, saying fat people deserve to poop in comfort as well.
Ear Doctors Announce Split From Nose/Throat, Go Solo
Low Birthrate Blamed On Bad Economy, Good TV
Thumbless Sue Kraft Inc. Over Mac & Cheese Boxes