Thursday | May 23, 2013
MOST EMAILED
CAUGHT ON FILM
@PresidentObama #LetFreedomeRing
President Obama announces plans to instruct a giant dome over the U.S. to protect against potential North Korean missile launches.
FROM THE VAULT
May 22, 2012
Gingrich Ends Campaign For Book SalesGingrich Ends Campaign For Book Sales
CAP AUDIO
Rus-Con Enterprises
Rus-Con Enterprises
Please visit today's sponsor!
Fake Advertisement

NEWSPAPERS

Times Finds Boston Globe Hasn't Published In Months

Times Finds Boston Globe Hasn't Published In Months
At the once-harried offices of the Boston Globe

BOSTON (CAP) - Embarrassed New York Times executives, in preparing for an impending sale of their New England media group including the Boston Globe, were surprised to discover this week that the Globe hadn't published a daily print edition in more than two years.

"We knew things weren't great up there, but we thought they were at least still publishing," said New York Times spokeswoman Ellen Murphy. "You'd think we'd have gotten a phone call, an email, something..."

Apparently the people at the Times weren't the only ones who failed to notice when the Globe ceased publication. A CAP News survey of 5,000 Boston-area residents found that more than 90 percent of them had no idea the Globe had stopped printing, and most of the ones that did were former Globe employees, homeless people who had been using the paper for blankets, or papier mache aficionados.

For his part, former Globe editor Marty Baron said he was surprised how few people caught wind of the Globe's demise.

"I'm pretty sure we put something in that last issue about it," said Baron, now a publicity spokesman for IKEA Furniture. "I don't remember where it was, but definitely in the A section somewhere."

"That would probably explain why nobody saw it," Murphy responded, noting that most readers the Globe had left tended to read only the so-called G section, where the comics are.

The Globe has continued to publish content online via Boston.com, "mostly links to stories on the Huffington Post," noted Boston-area media critic David O'Kennedy. He added that the fact the Globe no longer exists could "seriously hurt the Times' chances of getting a good price for it."

- CAP News Staff
IN OTHER NEWS
Upstart Horsemeat Industry Fights Negative Stereotypes
Upstart Horsemeat Industry Fights Negative Stereotypes

PURCELLVILLE, Vir. (CAP) - When Wayne Rooney tells people what he does for a living, he's usually met with some measure of disdain, if not downright disgust. Wayne is a horse breeder, and owner and proprietor of Comestible Colt Farms in this small Loudoun Valley town.

Except Wayne doesn't breed horses for show or for racing - he breeds them for eating.

"I love every one of my horses from the moment they're born right up until they're on a plate with a baked potato and a side of steamed broccoli," says Rooney. "Splash on a little bit of A1 sauce ... whoo-wee! That's good eatin'."

Comestible Colt Farms is one of only a handful of horse stables around the country who specialize in raising horses for human consumption, a practice considered taboo throughout the United States but acceptable in places like France and Belgium.

"And Japan!" Rooney adds. "Those crazy Japs'll eat anything."

Rooney knows he has an uphill battle to convince Americans that eating horse isn't any different than eating cattle or chickens, which is why he opens his farm to school field trips and conducts public tours of his facility. He says the best way to gain acceptance is to focus on the next generation of meat eaters.

MORE business NEWS
Rolex Submariner
bobswatches.com
Fake Advertisement

SponsoredTweets referral badge

  • Banner Stands
    » Browse banner stands by Post-Up Stand. Trade Show Displays, Retractable Banner Displays, and more. High quality, 48 hour turnaround time!
  • Prom Dresses 2013
    » Searching for the perfect dress to wear on your big night? Take a look from these styles who top the best-dressed lists all the time!
ALL MATERIAL IS

SATIRE

AND ©2005-2013 BY CRYSTAL AIR PRODUCTIONS
Abercrombie & Fitch CEO Mike Jeffries has caved to the backlash against his discriminatory marketing, saying he will open a new store called Abercrombie & Fatso. "I'm telling you right now, plus sizes means plus prices," he said. "But I think if anyone can make fat people cool, it's me." «» U.S. logging industry officials say these days, loggers are chopping down trees "just because" it's all they know how to do. "With the ailing housing market, dying newspaper industry and paperless billing, people aren't using as many trees," said one contractor. "Maybe some day people will need more fence posts." «» Fox News officials say the group who hijacked the Associated Press' Twitter account also hijacked their entire network during the manhunt for the second Boston Marathon bombing suspect. "I knew their coverage sucked too much to be real news reporters," said one pundit. "Not sure what MSNBC's excuse was, though." «» Shares of AOL climbed to their highest point in eight years upon the discovery of a relic CD at a Tennessee yard sale. "It was one of the rare CD's that only offered 25 free hours with a new account," said one trader. "It was pretty much a nostalgia buy." «» The National Association of Bank Robbers has voted unanimously to incorporate the visage of Barack Obama into their arsenal of presidents masks worn during bank heists. Obama joins the likes of Nixon, Reagan and Carter and will be replacing pantyhose, typically worn by the least competent member of a gang. «» A bankruptcy judge has approved the merger between American Airlines and US Airways, creating arguably the largest repository for mishandled and misplaced luggage in aviation history. "Don't forget pets," said CEO Thomas Horton. "And disabled passengers. Oh, and the elderly. And pretty much anyone requiring non-standard accommodations. We don't discriminate." «» Following Ford's advertising fiasco in India comes word they are pulling yet another ad for the Figo, this one showing Indian teenagers enjoying hamburgers while riding in the vehicle. "I don't see what the big deal is," said one executive. "Everyone knows hamburgers are made with horse meat, not beef." «» With the White House under fire from numerous directions, press secretary Jay Carney dropped his usual demeanor to tell reporters to "fucking back the fuck off" and that he was "sick of answering dumb-ass questions." He then threatened to have the IRS "personally audit every single one of you fucks." «» Parental advisory groups are up in arms over the naming of the new One Direction sports drink, simply called OD. "Other than their obvious lack of originality, it's the slogan we don't like," said Mothers Against Everything. "Have You OD'ed Today? isn't exactly the message we should be sending children." «» Researchers at Johns Hopkins University say they have isolated the hormone Honkytonkin, found predominantly in white males from Southern states. The protein is one of a new group of complex redneck carbohydrates similar genetically to white trash peptides and has the same molecular structure as cheap beer. «»
Abercrombie & Fitch CEO Mike Jeffries has caved to the backlash against his discriminatory marketing, saying he will open a new store called Abercrombie & Fatso. "I'm telling you right now, plus sizes means plus prices," he said. "But I think if anyone can make fat people cool, it's me." «» U.S. logging industry officials say these days, loggers are chopping down trees "just because" it's all they know how to do. "With the ailing housing market, dying newspaper industry and paperless billing, people aren't using as many trees," said one contractor. "Maybe some day people will need more fence posts." «» Fox News officials say the group who hijacked the Associated Press' Twitter account also hijacked their entire network during the manhunt for the second Boston Marathon bombing suspect. "I knew their coverage sucked too much to be real news reporters," said one pundit. "Not sure what MSNBC's excuse was, though." «» Shares of AOL climbed to their highest point in eight years upon the discovery of a relic CD at a Tennessee yard sale. "It was one of the rare CD's that only offered 25 free hours with a new account," said one trader. "It was pretty much a nostalgia buy." «» The National Association of Bank Robbers has voted unanimously to incorporate the visage of Barack Obama into their arsenal of presidents masks worn during bank heists. Obama joins the likes of Nixon, Reagan and Carter and will be replacing pantyhose, typically worn by the least competent member of a gang. «» A bankruptcy judge has approved the merger between American Airlines and US Airways, creating arguably the largest repository for mishandled and misplaced luggage in aviation history. "Don't forget pets," said CEO Thomas Horton. "And disabled passengers. Oh, and the elderly. And pretty much anyone requiring non-standard accommodations. We don't discriminate." «» Following Ford's advertising fiasco in India comes word they are pulling yet another ad for the Figo, this one showing Indian teenagers enjoying hamburgers while riding in the vehicle. "I don't see what the big deal is," said one executive. "Everyone knows hamburgers are made with horse meat, not beef." «» With the White House under fire from numerous directions, press secretary Jay Carney dropped his usual demeanor to tell reporters to "fucking back the fuck off" and that he was "sick of answering dumb-ass questions." He then threatened to have the IRS "personally audit every single one of you fucks." «» Parental advisory groups are up in arms over the naming of the new One Direction sports drink, simply called OD. "Other than their obvious lack of originality, it's the slogan we don't like," said Mothers Against Everything. "Have You OD'ed Today? isn't exactly the message we should be sending children." «» Researchers at Johns Hopkins University say they have isolated the hormone Honkytonkin, found predominantly in white males from Southern states. The protein is one of a new group of complex redneck carbohydrates similar genetically to white trash peptides and has the same molecular structure as cheap beer. «»