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Carnival Launches New 'Jiggle The Handle' Promo
DORAL, Fla. (CAP) - Embattled cruise line Carnival is launching a new promotion with a series of television and magazine ads aimed at trying to put a positive spin on its recent public relations disaster that has led to a major drop in bookings.
"Got some crap that you can't flush down? Just jiggle the handle! Jiggle the handle!" says one TV spot featuring a guest services associate emphatically trying to flush a toilet. "That fetid smell making you frown? Just jiggle the handle! Jiggle the handle!"
The ad campaign takes a humorous approach to the tragedy on board the Triumph where an engine room fire led to 4,200 passengers and crew being stranded with limited food and bathroom facilities. But unlike a similar 2010 incident, passengers did not have to resort to eating each other.
"Hey, if we can't laugh at ourselves, how can we expect our passengers to?" said Carnival Brand Ambassador John Heald. "With that said, 90% of the time jiggling the handle does do the trick."
Although the investigation into the fire on board the Triumph has not yet been completed and the ship is not cleared for sailing, the company is already planning cruises around the disabled vessel and its horrendous conditions.
"Think of it as a cross between Survivor and Gilligan's Island," said Heald. "Can you survive a week on board a ship with no power or running water to claim the $500 prize?
"See, if you present it the right way and people know what they're signing up for, it could be a lot of fun," he noted. "Pure marketing genius, that's what that is.
"Plus it'll save us all that money on repairs," he added.
Meanwhile, a group of passengers has filed a class action lawsuit against Carnival, claiming they paid thousands of dollars for a 1% experience only to live in squalor like the 47%.
WASILLA, Alaska (CAP) - As scientists continue to monitor recent explosions and seismic activity in Alaska's Cleveland Volcano, former Gov. Sarah Palin has informed local media outlets that she can indeed see the volcano from her porch, but that her family is safe and sound.
"Oh, yah, plain as day - it's practically in my back yard," Palin said as she offered chewing tobacco to reporters on her front lawn. "Todd and I were out back rustling up some grouse for dinner when we seen the ash and felt the rumblin'.
"So's I thought to myself, There goes ole Cleveland again!" she added. "But then I started yelling for a Code Pompei because who knows what was gonna happen!"
She explained how she and Todd scooped up all the kids and rushed into the house "just in the nick of time" before two more explosions erupted. She noted that if not for the quick thinking of Piper in grabbing the burlap sack full of grouse, the family might have gone hungry that day.
"She's a trooper, that little Piper!" Palin said. "Wait - or is Trooper one of my other kids? I can never keep track. No, wait! That's it: Track. I knew it began with a T."
Despite her assertions to the contrary, none of the gathered reporters could see the volcano, or any volcano, from any part of the Palin property. Sarah pointed out that because of the rotation of the Earth, it's only visible at certain times of the week.
We decided to take her word for it.
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