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CAPITOL HILL
First Ever Lower Middle Class Congress Sworn In
WASHINGTON (CAP) - History was made last week as the 113th Congress of the United States became the first to be completely comprised of lower middle class Americans, finally fulfilling the founding fathers' desires to create a government "of the people."
"Six months ago I was a one percenter and now I'm having trouble making ends meet," said re-elected House Speaker John Boehner (R-OH). "I've never felt closer to my constituents in all my years of serving."
Thanks to the 112th Congress' recategorization of the middle class as anyone making $400,000 or less per year instead of $250,000, senators and representatives now join the ranks of other blue collar workers living paycheck by paycheck.
"I spent all of New Year's Day cutting coupons," said Sen. Barbara Mikulksi (D-MD). "Three cans of Spaghettios for $3 - that's good, right?
"I'm going to send one of my aides out to Whole Foods this afternoon because they have bottom round roast on sale for $3.99 a pound," she added. "I wonder if my chef has ever cooked one of those."
Political pundits say it will be interesting to see who seeks re-election in two or four years as that will prove who is truly in it for the public service rather than the paltry paycheck.
AUSTIN, Tex. (CAP) - As President Obama marked the first stop on his Middle Class Jobs & Opportunity Tour with rhetoric about boosting jobs and opportunities, he waited until the cameras stopped rolling to get down to brass tacks with the residents who had gathered to hear him speak.
"Listen, you told me you needed help getting jobs, I told you to wear slacks," Obama said. "You told me it was raining out, I got you ponchos.
"Now you're worried about everything you've worked for all falling apart, so I have a simple solution," he added. "Taco Tuesdays."
He explained that from a practical standpoint, taco dinners are cheap and easy to put together, cover a wide range of food groups, and provide quality family time as everyone eats around the table and discusses their day with each other.
"And when you're unemployed, that quality family time is really all you have to hold onto," Obama said. "Because let's face it: chances are you're going to be unemployed for so long that we'll stop counting you in the jobless numbers."
From a metaphorical angle, he pointed out that when that taco falls apart, which it invariably will do, it's just a matter of picking up the pieces and continuing on with dinner. He told the crowd that not only does it still taste great, but "you get to lick your fingers afterwards."
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