Obama To Deploy Ebola Patients To Syria
In response to strong criticism of the plan, Joe Biden said "librarians wouldn't be in this position" if they were more careful about their choice of lifestyle.
TODAY'S TOP STORIES
Mid-West Cooties Outbreak Tops 100
Officials say no outbreak has ever been as widespread geographically as the current one.
12-Year-Old Boy With No Shirt Crashes Celebrity Gala
Host Alexander Wang said he didn't invite the boy, adding "this is New York, not Thailand."
USPS Secures Contract To Deliver Email
The deal covers all major email clients except Lotus Notes, which everyone agrees is junk.
CAP NEWS BRIEFS
Global Warming Blamed For Thawing Of Nun's Tits
The concern now is that this is just the beginning of what could be a big ole breast thaw.
Study: Too Little Sex Bad For Teenagers' Attitudes
Teens who have sex less than twice per week are more cranky and irritable than their peers.
Rick Perry Indicted For Abuse Of Social Media
Perry said he can still count all of his indictments on one hand so he's not too worried.
Prison Industry Adopts Agri-Style Battery Cages
Not only will they help cut down on cost, but prisons can now stack twice as many inmates.
Bitching, Moaning Up Considerably, Study Shows
The top methods of complaining include grumbling, whining, bitching, moaning and groaning.
NFL Reduces League Tolerance Of Bullying By Over 17%
League efforts are focused on the tolerance of bullying, but not the actual bullying itself.
CAP NEWS TRENDING
Cities Unsure How To Handle Public Service Graffiti
Target: 'Dead Baby Giveaway' A Typo
ALS Association Holds Fundraiser For Sno-Cone Makers Union
- Scabies Named Comeback Affliction Of The Year
- Five Below Buys Family Dollar, Creates New Store 'Two Fiddy'
- Walmart To Offer Bail Bonds, Paternity Testing
- Obama Deploys Drones, Beavers To Protect Iraqi Dam
- Cellphone Camera Concert Pictures Win Pulitzer Nod
- Teens Choose Alcohol, Unprotected Sex In New 'Choice Awards'