Monday | November 24, 2014
Black Friday Shopping Started Last Tuesday
Stores said the move helped customers get their holiday shopping done early and let them clear out Christmas stock to make room for Valentine's Day merchandise.
TODAY'S TOP STORIES
Study: Americans To Tire Of Relatives Earlier This Year
The study found that Christians will get tired of relatives before Christmas even arrives.
Dems Propose Using Jobless To Carry Oil From Canada To Texas
If they run out of the unemployed, they plan to fill in the gaps with illegal immigrants.
TV Watching At All-Time Low Among Homeless Children
Homeless children also lag behind their sheltered counterparts in other areas like bathing.
CAP NEWS BRIEFS
Newest HBO Series To Feature Swearing, Breasts
Executives say the show will break new ground in the realm of swearing and women's breasts.
Bill Would Ban Masturbating While Driving
Many states have laws that ban negligent driving, but nothing quite like this measure.
Scientists Successfully Land Probe In Kim Kardashian's Cleavage
This marks the first successful landing between two celestial bodies for scientific research.
Domino's Pizza Boosts Earnings With More Slices
Analysts had predicted a profit of $0.15 per slice, but profit jumped to $0.27 per slice.
National Weather Service Replaces 'Polar Vortex' With 'Arctic Horcrux'
With computers doing most of the forecasting, meteorologists need cool names to keep it fun.
Groupon Expands Into Recreational Drugs
If you loved the savings from that pedicure, wait till you see what you get for a dimebag.
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More Americans feeling compelled to visit relatives over Thanksgiving break due to falling gas prices, wish gas stayed above $3 per gallon just until the holidays were over «» CBS airs pilot of new mini-series "Little Immigrant On The Prairie" instead of Obama speech, wins ratings for night «» NBC airs video of two dogs humping instead of Obama speech, asks viewers to pick which one represents legal American citizens «» ABC airs rerun of old Reagan speech instead of Obama address, panics nation into thinking Russia is going to bomb the U.S. «» Alternative taxi service Uber comes under fire for not disinfecting back seats after a different kind of "ride sharing" «» Conair ships 20,000 hairdryers to Buffalo so residents can begin melting their way out while still maintaining fabulous hair «» Pope Francis gives America nine months to "clean up your gays" ahead of his visit next fall «» CBS cancels new Bill Cosby show, "Women Make The Darnedest Allegations" «» Detroit celebrates exiting bankruptcy with subprime mortgages for the first 10,000 unqualified homebuyers who can falsify a loan application in under 60 seconds «» Quarterback Peyton Manning asks to join Detroit Lions "just for this week" so he can try one more time to beat the Patriots «»
More Americans feeling compelled to visit relatives over Thanksgiving break due to falling gas prices, wish gas stayed above $3 per gallon just until the holidays were over «» CBS airs pilot of new mini-series "Little Immigrant On The Prairie" instead of Obama speech, wins ratings for night «» NBC airs video of two dogs humping instead of Obama speech, asks viewers to pick which one represents legal American citizens «» ABC airs rerun of old Reagan speech instead of Obama address, panics nation into thinking Russia is going to bomb the U.S. «» Alternative taxi service Uber comes under fire for not disinfecting back seats after a different kind of "ride sharing" «» Conair ships 20,000 hairdryers to Buffalo so residents can begin melting their way out while still maintaining fabulous hair «» Pope Francis gives America nine months to "clean up your gays" ahead of his visit next fall «» CBS cancels new Bill Cosby show, "Women Make The Darnedest Allegations" «» Detroit celebrates exiting bankruptcy with subprime mortgages for the first 10,000 unqualified homebuyers who can falsify a loan application in under 60 seconds «» Quarterback Peyton Manning asks to join Detroit Lions "just for this week" so he can try one more time to beat the Patriots «»