North Korea Fires A Couple Missiles For Attention
After his Wii console broke, sources say Kim Jong-un was desperate to find a new hobby, but since he isn't very good at anything, he opted for his old standby.
TODAY'S TOP STORIES
Pediameth This Year's Top Halloween Treat
The National Institute For The Study Of Halloween Candy says kids are crazy for the stuff.
Obama Urges Healthier Pranks This Halloween
Many fat kids playing "ding dong ditch" get caught before they even get out of the yard.
Schools Replace Standardized Tests With New IQ App
This finally puts America ahead of Asia for our ability to reduce a child to just a number.
CAP NEWS BRIEFS
Fox To Air Alternate World Series Between Yankees, Dodgers
Baltimore Orioles fans rallied to protest the snub and remind everyone they won the AL East.
CDC Report Finds Zombie Eating Habits Unhealthy
Most do not eat the recommended daily amounts of brains and ingest too much fatty tissue.
Halloween Extended To Eight Hours For Slow, Obese Kids
With Halloween on a weekend night, it really could turn into a 48-hour candy extravaganza.
Overcrowding In Mob Burial Grounds Hits Tipping Point
Mafia pundits say there are too many bodies piling up and nowhere to dispose of them all.
Aquaman Ousted From Justice League
JLA sources say bad feelings toward Aquaman had built up among the Superfriends for years.
Senate Passes Bill Mandating Hand Washing
The bill falls shy of dictating just how long people should wash, but does suggest 20 seconds.
CAP NEWS TRENDING
Lawsuits Put Damper On 'Thresh Your Own Grain'
Nation Fondly Recalls Simpler Swine Flu Days
Documents Show Thompson Twins Not Even Related