Study: Americans To Tire Of Relatives Earlier This Year
The study found that for the fourth year, Christians will get tired of relatives before Christmas even arrives, while Jews still haven't recovered from last year.
TODAY'S TOP STORIES
Dems Propose Using Jobless To Carry Oil From Canada To Texas
If they run out of the unemployed, they plan to fill in the gaps with illegal immigrants.
TV Watching At All-Time Low Among Homeless Children
Homeless children also lag behind their sheltered counterparts in other areas like bathing.
Newest HBO Series To Feature Swearing, Breasts
Executives say the show will break new ground in the realm of swearing and women's breasts.
CAP NEWS BRIEFS
Bill Would Ban Masturbating While Driving
Many states have laws that ban negligent driving, but nothing quite like this measure.
Scientists Successfully Land Probe In Kim Kardashian's Cleavage
This marks the first successful landing between two celestial bodies for scientific research.
Domino's Pizza Boosts Earnings With More Slices
Analysts had predicted a profit of $0.15 per slice, but profit jumped to $0.27 per slice.
National Weather Service Replaces 'Polar Vortex' With 'Arctic Horcrux'
With computers doing most of the forecasting, meteorologists need cool names to keep it fun.
Groupon Expands Into Recreational Drugs
If you loved the savings from that pedicure, wait till you see what you get for a dimebag.
Chlamydia Named Most Popular STD
Participants said they liked chlamydia better than gonorrhea by an enormous 2-to-1 margin.
CAP NEWS TRENDING
Mass. Rights The Ship By Electing Blonde White Guy As Governor
Mother-Daughter Liver Transplant Day Shaping Up
Hundreds Of Dismayed Oakland Raiders Fans Wander Off