Saturday | May 23, 2015
CAP NEWS TICKER

JP Morgan Chase to dismantle Detroit and sell it for parts, saying the demand overseas for after market American cities is strong


Taylor Swift reveals she was behind extreme censoring of Kanye West song at Billboard Music Awards, telling him "Imma not let you finish"


ISIS rebels capture another Iraqi city Americans have never heard of but are led to believe is "very important"


NJ Gov. Chris Christie shuts down Rt 93 in New Hampshire during campaign stops to remind residents why it would be in their interest to elect him president


America's homophobes lobby in favor of gay marriage to "keep them off the streets" and protect the sanctity of the bar scene for straight men


NFL announces plans to give up its law exempt status and will have players stop committing crimes and start obeying the law beginning next season


Protesters in Baltimore are congratulating themselves on "a job well done" and say Freddie Gray would have wanted nothing more than for them to destroy their hometown and all get arrested


Quarterly spending reports are out and teenage girls again top the list of "Who Spends All Of Dad's Money On Clothes They'll Never Wear"


After avoiding jail for sharing state secrets with his mistress biographer, David Petraeus said if he had to do it all over again, he would because "the sex was really, really good"


New York City vows to reduce its output of white trash by 90% over next 10 years, promises better class of resident "to make country proud"

SHARE HEADLINES
TODAY'S TOP NEWS
LEGAL
ALL MATERIAL IS

SATIRE

AND ©2005-2015 BY CAP NEWS