Monday | December 29, 2014
CAP NEWS TICKER

Organizers of First Night Kabul say they still have two slots open for suicide bomber volunteers willing to be strapped with fireworks and set off at midnight


President Obama credits illegal Guatemalan caddie for helping him shoot 3 over par 75, says all Americans can enjoy that luxury by backing immigration reform


U.S. State Department denies it is behind putting glue on Kim Jong-un's toilet seat, where he was stuck for nine hours yesterday


North Pole mainframe hacked and Kim Jong-un's name moved to 'Good' list; North Korea denies responsibility


Disney cancels release of 'Into The Woods' after American witches threaten to cast a spell on moviegoers and turn them all into newts


The National Association for the Advancement of Colored Double Amputees launches nationwide protests against police brutality of unarmed black men


NHL puts rest of season on hiatus due to widespread case of the sniffles, says rinks are "too chilly for these princesses"


Senate Intelligence Committee releases another scathing report detailing how President George W. Bush used to cheat at Parcheesi during White House Friday night game nights


CIA sends 200 agents to UDC Community College for waterboarding refresher course to prepare for up and coming international terrorist groups


New report finds 95% of lemon-flavored candy tastes like Pledge. Another report finds that a surprising number of people have tasted Pledge.

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