Blitzen tears ACL during reindeer games, to miss first Christmas flight in 191 years
U.S. State Department denies it is behind putting glue on Kim Jong-un's toilet seat, where he was stuck for nine hours yesterday
UPS seeks volunteers to celebrate Christmas on Saturday to buy themselves some wiggle room for delivering packages, says they would "really appreciate it"
North Pole mainframe hacked and Kim Jong-un's name moved to 'Good' list; North Korea denies responsibility
Disney cancels release of 'Into The Woods' after American witches threaten to cast a spell on moviegoers and turn them all into newts
The National Association for the Advancement of Colored Double Amputees launches nationwide protests against police brutality of unarmed black men
NHL puts rest of season on hiatus due to widespread case of the sniffles, says rinks are "too chilly for these princesses"
Congress asks Santa Claus for 2015 budget for Christmas, or collectible Hess trucks and some ribbon candy if that's more practical
Senate Intelligence Committee releases another scathing report detailing how President George W. Bush used to cheat at Parcheesi during White House Friday night game nights
CIA sends 200 agents to UDC Community College for waterboarding refresher course to prepare for up and coming international terrorist groups