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Unfortunate Typo Leads To Much Unexpected Nudity
CHEVY CHASE (CAP) - A typo in the Baltimore Sun led to hundreds of nudists showing up for the Audubon Naturalist Society's annual meeting and bird-watching contest last weekend.
The listing, which was supposed to be titled Calling All Naturalists, was input as Calling All Naturists.
As a result, Audubon members - mostly suburban housewives in their 60s and 70s - found themselves surrounded almost completely by middle-aged naked people as they searched the Maryland countryside for red-bellied woodpeckers and tufted titmouses.
"I found more of both than I care to acknowledge," said longtime Audubon supporter Betsy Stubengen, 72.
The naturists, for their part, were slightly chagrined at first, but soon warmed to the bird watchers. "It was a little awkward to start off, but after a while you don't even notice that they're clothed," said Delaware nudist Karl Marlet, 54.
Marlet said the meeting and bird-watching contest was altogether more relaxing than the Bi-Partisan Nude Summit he attended in Tahoe in 2008. "All everybody did there was stare at Bill Clinton's penis," he noted.
WASHINGTON (CAP) - In a sweeping and unusual move, the Justice Department has secretly obtained two months' worth of telephone records of journalists working for Cosmopolitan magazine, uncovering in the process hundreds of secret sex tips beyond those published in every issue of the magazine for the last 27 years.
According to Cosmo editor-in-chief Joanna Coles - author of How To Set His Man Bits On Fire, Possibly Literally - federal authorities obtained cellular, office and home telephone records of five individual sex tip reporters and both the Sex Tip Editor and Deputy Sex Tip Editor. She called the Justice Department's actions a "massive and unprecedented intrusion" into sex-tip-gathering activities.
"Which ironically enough would also describe many of our sex tips," she noted.
WASILLA, Alaska (CAP) - As scientists continue to monitor recent explosions and seismic activity in Alaska's Cleveland Volcano, former Gov. Sarah Palin has informed local media outlets that she can indeed see the volcano from her porch, but that her family is safe and sound.
"Oh, yah, plain as day - it's practically in my back yard," Palin said as she offered chewing tobacco to reporters on her front lawn. "Todd and I were out back rustling up some grouse for dinner when we seen the ash and felt the rumblin'.
"So's I thought to myself, There goes ole Cleveland again!" she added. "But then I started yelling for a Code Pompei because who knows what was gonna happen!"
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