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Photogs Spy Prince Charles Nude In Stoke-on-Trent
STAFFORDSHIRE (CAP) - Apparently taking a cue from his randy son Prince Harry, Prince Charles is the latest royal to find himself in hot water thanks to some unfortunate photos turning up in the British tabloids.
The Prince of Wales was photographed this past weekend cavorting nude with his wife Camilla Parker Bowles following a game of "strip cricket" in Stoke-on-Trent, Staffordshire. In one picture, a stark naked Charles is seen obscuring his genitalia behind a wicket bail.
"You'd think he would have used the bat, just to keep up appearances, wot?" said Nigel Tambling-Goggin, publisher of the London Star-Mirror, which ran the photos on its front page.
In another photo, the naked Charles gives a bear-hug from behind to Parker Bowles, who appears to be wearing a gray leather bodysuit.
"But it turns out that's actually her skin - she's as starkers as he is!" said Tambling-Goggin.
"You'll notice the people retching in the background," he pointed out, before having to turn away to avoid becoming physically ill. "Blimey ... I'm starting to wonder if this press freedom is really worth it," he added, wiping sweat from his brow.
The photos were apparently snapped by a group of pensioners who were in town for the Newcastle-under-Lyme Pottery Festival and Extravaganza. Stoke-on-Trent, part of a conurbation considered to be the pottery capital of Great Britain, is known for the wild antics "one might expect from such a pottery haven," according to tourism brochures distributed by the North Staffordshire Chamber of Commerce and Industry (NSCCI).
But those antics are not meant to be broadcast beyond the local borders, says NSCCI president Cornelia Trickelbank. "As we say around here, what happens in Stoke-on-Trent stays in Stoke-on-Trent," said Trickelbank. "Or at least doesn't go any further than Newcastle-under-Lyme, or, on extremely rare occasions, Wolstanton.
"You get the idea," she added.
The incident comes as a double whammy after Prince Harry's much-publicized naked Las Vegas romp, only the latest in a series of acting-out incidents since Harry failed to be invited to Prince William's bachelor party by the party's planner, Tiger Woods.
"It's just one black eye after another for us Brits of late, unfortunately," said Walter Fernfrussen, professor of British Studies at Oxford. "About the only positive press we've had recently is when Her Majesty instituted the ruling allowing women to pee standing up."
Reminded that his country also hosted the Olympics, Fernfrussen noted that he had only seen the opening and closing ceremonies, "and peeing standing up is more impressive."
As for Queen Elizabeth II, she apparently still can't believe it's come to this. Shown the naked pictures of Charles and Camilla in the Star-Mirror, she simply rapped her scepter against the palace floor and exclaimed "Bollocks!"
"We're pretty sure she meant that literally," said Fernfrussen.
VATICAN CITY (CAP) - Vatican employees are threatening en masse to leave the Catholic faith and convert to Protestantism if Pope Francis does not back down from his decision to cancel bonuses for workers following his election.
"Well, on your way out, don't let the door hit you where the good Lord split you," said Pope Francis as he waved off the threat. "The only way anyone's getting any extra money around here is if they get fiddled by a priest and sue us.
"Otherwise, get back to work," he added. "My robes don't fold themselves."
WASHINGTON (CAP) - In the wake of continued threats against the United States by North Korean leaders comes word that President Obama is set to launch a new initiative aimed at "putting the smack down" on that country's nuclear threat.
"Frankly, I'm sick of the bullshit and their mamby pamby games: moving missiles here, moving missiles there," Obama said during today's press briefing. "Do you need a missile? We'll send you a missile. We'll send you a dozen fucking missiles.
"I have one message for you, Kim Jong Un," he added. "Back the fuck up, or prepare to be PUNK'D."
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