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Uproar Over Paul Ryan "Blue Collar Jobs" Remarks
OXFORD, Ohio (CAP) - Republican vice presidential candidate Paul Ryan is backpedaling today after some scathing comments made by the Wisconsin congressman during a Fortune 500 business leaders luncheon. Ryan told the mostly white, Anglo-Saxon, Protestant crowd that Democratic economic policies would "put y'all back in blue collar jobs."
"Your money is your money, but if Obama and Biden get their way, you'll be paying some sort of fair share of taxes," Ryan told the crowd of 300. "And then your money won't be your money - it'll be everybody's money. Are we gonna let that money? Over my dead money!"
At $40,000 a plate, businessmen from throughout Ohio and the surrounding region turned out to support the Republican presidential ticket and enjoy a meal of broiled chicken breast, white rice and steamed cauliflower. But the verbal gaffe by Ryan left many without an appetite and feeling hot under their white collars.
"For him to insinuate that I would have to pump my own or anyone else's gas is about as preposterous as expecting me to wipe my own ass when I shit - I have people for that," said Marathon Petroleum CEO Gary Heminger. "And if I didn't have people, then I'd be constipated. You can't run a gas company if you're constipated."
Others expressed similar sentiments, noting that "out of control Democratic spending" with taxes often goes to fund such pork barrel public works projects as road paving and bridge repair. Many pointed out that they don't even use the roads upon which plebeians traverse, opting instead for the speed and efficiency of their private jets.
"By staying off the roads, I'm doing my part to help alleviate traffic problems, which is more than I can say for you blue collar types," said Eaton Corp. CEO Alexander Cutler. "And how's your record on pollution, Mr I Drive My SUV 90 Minutes To Work Every Day?
"Besides, nobody has to pave, plow or repair the sky," Cutler added. "I'm just saying."
Presumptive GOP presidential nominee Mitt Romney defended his running mate's comments, telling CAP News that "sometimes you have to smack the mule in the ass to get him to stop grazing and realize there's more green grass for the taking in the next pasture." Romney's handlers whisked him away before CAP News could ask him to clarify what he meant.
"Ryan needs to realize that you have to act like a one percent to talk to the one percent," said CAP News political analyst Fuad Reveiz. "Not only did he pay his taxes, but he voluntarily released the returns! Between that and the blue collar comment, he and Mitt will have to do some serious damage control to win back the one percent."
Meanwhile, Republican luminary Sarah Palin took a break from her newspaper column to suggest that Romney do a "Ryan for Ryan swap," dropping Paul from the ticket in favor of Lochte. While the move allows the GOP to keep the same "Romney & Ryan" tag line, she notes it would be a "definite upgrade" in pecs, abs and gold medals.
AUSTIN, Tex. (CAP) - As President Obama marked the first stop on his Middle Class Jobs & Opportunity Tour with rhetoric about boosting jobs and opportunities, he waited until the cameras stopped rolling to get down to brass tacks with the residents who had gathered to hear him speak.
"Now you're worried about everything you've worked for all falling apart, so I have a simple solution," he added. "Taco Tuesdays."
WASHINGTON (CAP) - President Obama has announced his support of the Pentagon's latest plan to provide a missile defense system for the United States, even though it does not include lasers, invisible jets, or invisible jets with lasers.
The Strategic Dome Initiative offers $1 billion in funding to erect a translucent, impenetrable dome over the continental United States that would not only deflect missiles launched from anywhere in the world, but also meteors falling from the sky and other as yet unidentified apocalyptic events.
"I prefer to think of it as more of a, uhh, force field than a dome," Obama told reporters. "Think Star Wars, not New Orleans Saints."
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