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7 Arrests In Susan Boyle, Diana Krall Entourage Brawl
NEW YORK (CAP) - Police are still trying to determine the causes and culprits behind last weekend's bottle-throwing brawl between the drunken, swearing entourages of singers Susan Boyle and Diana Krall.
Police have yet to establish what sparked the incident at Manhattan's Carnegie Club Cocktail and Smoking Lounge, but if either Boyle or Krall were directly involved then charges will be filed, said NYPD spokesman Paul Brownie.
"We don't care how emotive your interpretation of I Dreamed A Dream is, or how stunning your contralto vocals are," said Brownie. "You attack a half-dozen smooth jazz and easy listening enthusiasts with bottles, you're going downtown."
Seven people were arrested immediately following the melee, including Krall's yoga instructor, feng shui expert and her two personal Reiki practioners, and Boyle's nutritionist, hair consultant and a woman who follows her everywhere and cries when she performs Autumn Leaves.
According to sources close to the club, Krall had sent Boyle's party a bottle of Chivas Regal, and Boyle, or someone in her entourage, responded by sending Krall a note saying, Don't you think you should sell a few more records before you go spending that kind of brass on boozy-woozy, dear?
"That's when the bottles started flying," said the source.
San Antonio Spurs player Tony Parker, who was at the club after attending a performance of Broadway's Sister Act, was injured when one of Krall's cronies squirted him in the eye with the juice from a lime and elderflower martini.
"I went right to the emergency room," said Parker, wearing an eye patch, a neck brace and some sort of gauze turban, and choking up at the trauma of being caught in the brawl. "Now I'm going to have to watch the new production of Porgy And Bess with one eye," he sighed.
The feud between Boyle and Krall has apparently been long simmering, and recalls the 2011 incident when members of Lady Gaga's entourage shot at "Weird Al" Yankovic from sparklers attached to their bosoms, and another earlier this year when Jimmy Fallon, Brian Williams and Jon Stewart got into a massive brawl over Bruce Springsteen's attention.
"And don't forget the feud between Sting and everybody else in the music business," commented two former members of The Police who declined to be named.
Sources close the Krall/Boyle conflict point to the fact that Boyle briefly dated Krall's current husband Elvis Costello prior to their 2003 marriage, but the relationship ended when Boyle got jealous of Costello's then-collaborator, mezzo-soprano Anne Sofie von Otter, and tried to strangle her with her support hose.
Krall has had her past issues as well, having been voted at Boston's Berklee College of Music the jazz performer most likely to hit another singer with a bottle.
In related news, hip-hop artists Chris Brown and Drake have cancelled a planned excursion to the Carnegie Club to listen to a cool jazz trio and smoke Cohiba Esplendidos, on the chance they might run into Boyle or Krall. "We don't want any trouble," they said in unison.
HOLLYWOOD (CAP) - Star Trek: Into Darkness, the second Trek movie in the series of reboots directed by J.J. Abrams, ruled the box office over the weekend, drawing almost as huge an audience as one of George Takei's Facebook memes involving Capt. Jean-Luc Picard or a cat.
"Really, we couldn't be any happier," said Peter Franklin of Paramount Pictures of the opening weekend gross. "About the only way we could have done better is if we had made a meme involving Darth Vader or Willy Wonka or gay marriage, and George Takei had shared it."
Takei, who played Hikaru Sulu in the original Star Trek series, now spends most of his time sharing memes on Facebook that are in turn liked and shared by his over 100 million followers, usually within minutes.
NEWPORT BEACH, Calif. (CAP) - Even as news continues to filter out about whether and where Lindsay Lohan has checked into rehab, officials at the Morningside Recovery Center are flattered that Lindsay Lohan would fly all the way across the country just to visit them - so much so that they have decided to name a wing after the troubled actress.
"Just as we are dedicated to providing exceptional care, treatment and services to the plethora of junkies, lushes and losers who walk through our doors, it's only appropriate that we honor those who show the same dedication by coming back again and again," the center said in a prepared statement.
The newly named Lohan Adjunct is located inside Morningside's clinical building and contains half a dozen general purpose rooms perfect for impromptu meetings with one's agent, signing the first 100 copies of one's tell-all book, or discussing rights to the movie with producers.
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