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Kim Kardashian's Eggs Sign Contract For Reality Show
HOLLYWOOD (CAP) - The eggs in Kim Kardashian's ovaries have signed a contract to star in a reality show with E! Entertainment Television, should any of them become fertilized and eventually born.
"It was no picnic making sure that that each of her 35,000-plus eggs was represented in this contract," Kardashian's publicist said during a phone interview with CAP News late last week. "But we didn't want any other networks to be able to swoop in and option a single one for another show, particularly since it's anyone's guess which one will become the next Kardashian.
"Wait, that's good," the publicist said after a pause. "The Next Kardashian. That's what the show should be called. Let me write that down."
The contract was negotiated with the ovarian follicles through a quick and painless out of office procedure that Kardashian's gynecologist performed while under the supervision of her lawyers. It has not been confirmed how the eggs, lacking the means to sign their names and also lacking names, were able to engage in a legally binding agreement, but Kardashian's publicist insisted that "everyone is happy with the way the deal turned out."
Despite the fact that her brief marriage to Kris Humphries ended in divorce just months ago, Kardashian has made it widely known that she dreams of starting a family very quickly once she meets the next right man.
And if recent rumors of her canoodling with rapper Kanye West turn out to be true, even Kim's eggs are going to have to start dodging the paparazzi soon. There are reports that some of them have already begun wearing oversized sunglasses whenever Kim ventures out in public.
"Those eggs are gold," said a source close to the family, who spoke on condition of anonymity. "And the contract they signed was very generous. Whichever one manages to be fertilized first is going to be one of the richest rudimentary clusters of cells in history.
"Even including those other rudimentary clusters of cells, Kourtney and Khloe," the source added.
The source also confirmed that the eggs had previously been in talks over starring in a more Survivor-like show which would be filmed on location in Kardashian's ovaries.
"The concept was sort of like America's Next Top Model crossed with The Amazing Race, where the eggs would compete with each other to see which was most viable and would have the best chance to be fertilized first," the source explained.
"Unfortunately, producers pulled out at the last minute," noted the source.
Kim Kardashian and her ovarian follicles were unavailable for comment for this story.
HOLLYWOOD (CAP) - Star Trek: Into Darkness, the second Trek movie in the series of reboots directed by J.J. Abrams, ruled the box office over the weekend, drawing almost as huge an audience as one of George Takei's Facebook memes involving Capt. Jean-Luc Picard or a cat.
"Really, we couldn't be any happier," said Peter Franklin of Paramount Pictures of the opening weekend gross. "About the only way we could have done better is if we had made a meme involving Darth Vader or Willy Wonka or gay marriage, and George Takei had shared it."
Takei, who played Hikaru Sulu in the original Star Trek series, now spends most of his time sharing memes on Facebook that are in turn liked and shared by his over 100 million followers, usually within minutes.
NEWPORT BEACH, Calif. (CAP) - Even as news continues to filter out about whether and where Lindsay Lohan has checked into rehab, officials at the Morningside Recovery Center are flattered that Lindsay Lohan would fly all the way across the country just to visit them - so much so that they have decided to name a wing after the troubled actress.
"Just as we are dedicated to providing exceptional care, treatment and services to the plethora of junkies, lushes and losers who walk through our doors, it's only appropriate that we honor those who show the same dedication by coming back again and again," the center said in a prepared statement.
The newly named Lohan Adjunct is located inside Morningside's clinical building and contains half a dozen general purpose rooms perfect for impromptu meetings with one's agent, signing the first 100 copies of one's tell-all book, or discussing rights to the movie with producers.
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