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All Known Products Now Sponsoring NASCAR

CHARLOTTE (CAP) - According to a new report by the American Institute For Advertising And Marketing, it has been confirmed that every product known to exist is now an official sponsor of the National Association for Stock Car Auto Racing, known commonly as NASCAR.
NASCAR, a family owned company founded by Bill France Sr. in 1947, has long been known as an ideal advertising template - the logos of many popular brands noticeably emblazing the exterior of the stock cars and drivers' uniforms.
"It makes sense that we've finally reached this stage," explained Brian France, grandson of the late Bill France Sr., who took over as the company's CEO in 2009. "Marketing companies see the sense in sponsoring our sport. What you have as an advertisement being driven past a captive audience over and over again for hours at a time.
"What company doesn't want that kind of exposure?" added France.
According to the AIAM, the realization that all products are now represented somewhere at a NASCAR race came when researchers attempted unsuccessfully to name a single product that was not.
Among the biggest surprises of this discovery include the fact that all foreign brands are now paying for advertising space at events. All known automakers are also currently sponsoring NASCAR even though only a few brands actually compete. In addition, all brands that researchers previously thought potentially inappropriate for the conceived target audience are now confirmed sponsors of the nation's second most viewed sport.
"There's simply no getting around it," said Thomas Falk, CEO of Kimberly-Clark Corporation, whose brands now showcased on NASCAR vehicles include Cottonelle, Huggies, Kleenex, and Kotex. "NASCAR is simply the best place to advertise in the world."
NASCAR races are broadcast in over 150 countries and the company holds 17 of the top 20 attended single-day sporting events in the world. NASCAR also claims 75 million fans who purchase over $3 billion in annual licensed product sales. These figures no doubt have great influence as to why brands the world over seek out space at these events on which to present their logo.
"Our research has found that the success rate of advertising at these events is far higher than most other mediums for advertising," said Jeremy Connolly, director of the AIAM. "It is something of anomaly, really."
For now, NASCAR seems to have teamed with all possible partners. The company, however, is still far from satisfied.
"There's always room for improvement," said France. "Sure, we may have all possible sponsors now, but who knows what the future will bring. It's our hope that as new products are introduced to the world market, that we will be able to partner with those brands as well."
While it is certain that new products will eventually make their way onto the market, it is uncertain whether or not these hypothetical products will follow the world-wide trend of advertising with the racing giant. For the time being, NASCAR plans to use their substantial advertising revenue to expand, with an eye on bigger venues and more seating capacity.
Contributing Writer

LAS VEGAS (CAP) - O.J. Simpson is back in court again today seeking a retrial of his 2008 conviction for robbery and kidnapping and says if granted, this time he'll plead guilty and save the state the cost of a new trial.
"The way I figure it, judges are a lot more lenient when you admit your guilt and say you're sorry," Simpson told reporters. "So hopefully with a new trial I can get off with time served and put this whole nonsense behind me.
"Besides, I can't look for the real killer of Nicole and Ron if I'm all cooped up behind bars," he noted.

NEW YORK (CAP) - The New York Yankees have signed Dr. Mehmet Oz to a three-year deal reportedly worth $36 million, a move meant to help restore an injury-depleted lineup that can actually compete at the major league level.
"With the loss of so many key players, we needed to think outside the box to get that $10 billion in payroll back on the field as soon as possible," said General Manager Brian Cashman. "I once saw him heal a cripple with just a roll of gauze and a wooden fence post.
"No, wait, maybe that was MacGuyver," he added after a pause. "And if there are any gays in the clubhouse, he can cure their homosexuality. This guy does it all."
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