Interplanetary Coalition To Shut Down Saturn
Preliminary plans call for each of Saturn's 31 biggest moons to be auctioned off early next year, with the planet itself undergoing demolition shortly after that.
TODAY'S TOP STORIES
Retailers Disappointed In Earth Day Sales Numbers
Retail sales for the Earth Day shopping season fell almost ten percent from the mid-90's.
Todd Bridges Takes 'Willis Monologues' To Broadway
The show garnered critical acclaim during many off-Broadway performances at mall food courts.
SJC To Hear Challenge To Affordable Beer Act
Joe Biden said he doesn't care much about "Supreme Court stuff" but will follow this case.
CAP NEWS BRIEFS
Study Finds Many Old People Were Once Young
Despite the findings, many young people refuse to believe that some day they may become old.
Victoria's Secret Introduces Marriage-Saving Panties
The new line promises to instantly solve the myriad problems of all unfulfilled marriages.
Popeyes Chicken Reaching Out To Abandoned Bunnies
The rabbits will be making hundreds of the Popeyes franchise's loyal customers happy.
Study: Most Can Only Name One Peter Frampton Album
The study almost didn't get off the ground as nobody under 40 knew who Peter Frampton was.
Rock And Roll Hall Again Denies Johnny Bravo
The Hall claims Johnny Bravo is not eligible for induction as he never released an album.
Non-Asshole Discovered On Twitter
The instance in question is that of @montyQ22, who has been a Twitter member since 2008.
CAP NEWS TRENDING
Coca-Cola, Pepsi To Start Using Less Battery Acid
Senate Passes Keystone Lager Pipeline Bill
Mascot Battle Angers Raiders, Hebrews, Spics
- Scientists Find 'Telephone Interrupt' Gene In Kids
- Over 100,000 New Year's Resolutions Broken This Week
- Spelling Bees To Start Allowing Misspelled Words
- ISIS Draws Beards, Mustaches On American Currency
- Employers Back Merit Based Contraception Coverage
- Massachusetts Issues Lizza D Warning
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